Not like, I am in fact a blogging virgin. I’ve thought about it often, there are so many rants going through my head every day, why not write them down and organize them? I’ve had quite a few half written blogs in my head but then I think, “Yeah, but that’s not worthy of a first blog”. The first one has to be special, right? It has to say something important. It can’t just be menial thoughts. It has to define me as a blogger, right?
Well to hell with that theory. We’ve had this blog for weeks now and I haven’t posted for fear of being rejected. I’m over it. Reject me if you wish. My head is all over the place. I am stretched very thin these days so my blog might be too. My hope is that I can read back over my blogs in, oh, let’s say 4 months, and say, “man! I was all over the place. but I’m completely organized now and not stretched at all. How funny I was back then”.
So first of all, about me. Well I’m 28 (which I was surprised to find out a few weeks ago on my birthday). See, I thought I was turning 29. You know how you say you’re a certain age and then you start saying, “almost 28″. Well somewhere along the way I stopped saying almost and believed with all my heart that I was 28 going on 29. My husband had to convince me, and it took some doing. Simple math prevailed though, and the verdict was in: I just turned 28. So I’m 28 and a mom of 2 babies. My daughter ‘Kat’ just turned 3 in December and my little ‘Bear’ will be 7 months in a couple days. Oh and I’m married too. We just had our 4 year wedding anniversary. This summer will mark 10 years of going ’steady’, 12 years since our first date. So we’ve known each other for a while.
I’m generally defined by my kids and family. Everything I do pretty much is about them. I’m not trying to sound like a hero either, that’s just how it is. This year though I want to start being more selfish. I’ve been saying this for a while, so we’ll see if it comes true this time around. There isn’t any good reason to take so much on myself. My husband is one of those who is willing and ready to pitch right in and give a hand with the kids, or let me go out for coffee with the girls. I just don’t take him up on it because, well, I have this complex that no one can treat my kids as well as I can. If I’m having fun away from my babies I feel terribly guilty until I’m back home folding their laundry or pumping for Bear’s lunch the following day. That’s all me. It’s a weird control thing that I’m really in the mood to get rid of. I think I can do it this time!
I’m already doing better. When Kat was a baby, I think I can count on one hand the number of times I left her with a sitter for personal gain. (That’s a Charmed reference, one of my guilty pleasures from yester year. And likely not the last you’ll see from me). Poor Bear, I’ve already gone out on a handful of dates with hubby and left the poor kid to deal with bottle feedings and “non mom” hands. (He did fine, probably didn’t even notice my being gone)
So I’m a wife and mommy, and an MA at a local hospital. It’s a pretty boring job compared to the RN I was supposed to be by now, but it will do until I finish school. It pays the bills and I have an awesome group of girls that I work with. I work part time in the evenings and on weekends while my husband works during the days. This way Kat and Bear are with either Mom or Dad all the time, with the exception of 6 hours per week for the overlap between when I start and hubby gets off work. During those 6 hours I am very blessed to have the best child care ever. The kids are happy and loved, and that’s enough to get me through the first couple of hours of my shift.
My plan in writing this blog is to figure out what I’m still in to. Besides being a wife and mom and medical assistant, which are huge parts of my life, what else is there? I’ve thought about scrapbooking but haven’t made the time. I love to sew but again with the time. I take pictures like a mad woman. That I seem to find time for. I used to like reading mystery novels. I follow Lost and ER religiously. I’m a terrible house keeper. I love rainy weather and going to the beach when it’s real real cold. That sounds so nice right now. See if I didn’t have 2 sleeping babies in the rooms behind me and I was still young, I might consider hopping in the car and driving 45 minutes just to sit on the super cold beach for 15 minutes and breathe in all that sea air and then come home and go to bed soooooooooo satisfied. But instead I’m going to bed a little thirsty (but the kitchen is the opposite direction from the bedroom, so I probably won’t do anything about it) and with my mind in a million different places. I wouldn’t trade my life for anything, but sometimes I have that fantasy of just being a person in charge only of myself. Oh how complicated I thought things were back when that was my reality! Haha! See? I’m laughing at myself already! This is working!
Next time I’ll focus on a bay area mom topic, but I feel better already. Oh, and hubby just walked by to say good night and had bottled water in hand! So I’m not thirsty anymore! Bonus!
~Zook (The Zookeeper)
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